Voice Recording for Poem 3.

Commentary on Poem 3.

write a short commentary on Poem 3 reflecting on the following:

• a theme that you are exploring in the poem
• how you developed the theme in the poem
• the effect/s that you would like to achieve in the poem to impact your readers and how you went about doing it
• the extent to which you think you have been successful

i'm exploring the theme of children's negligence, where parents neglect their own children. 21st Century Parents are really giving very little care and love to their children now. They only want them to ace their studies, talents and all that that they think its important. But children-teenagers like us, we feel suffocated. There's no space for us to do whatever we want.

after reading Catherine Lim's Little Ironies - Adeline Ng Ai Choo, i began to think about the ideas where my parents have neglected me, and other people's experiences all in one. Hence, i had this inspiration to use these to write this poem. Using real life experiences will definitely be a much great of help to my poem. Because real live experiences are facts, they cannot be twisted.

i would like my readers to understand the situation of children who are being heavily restricted to do many things, just like me. Many children now needs to understand their peers' plight.

i went to elaborate on how other people's experiences and mine. i tried to change a bit to prevent from sounding so lengthy or boring.

to the extent that I've succeeded, i think i have brought out what i wanted to tell my readers about negligence of children.

Poem Three.

Composed individually based on a story of your choice from Catherine Lim's Little Ironies.

Parents' Negligence

Children's minds die away from studying.

they hated reading thick textbooks

cracking their skulls for answers to their questions

from their workbooks

Parents always wanted their children to study hard

get good grades, go to classes

ballet, piano, all forms of art

go to all sorts of tuitions

They never knew how much stress we have

studying means to hit the books till you get everything right

means to know what you ought to know

means books and more books

no fun, no jokes, nothing but studying

the books are always laughing at us every time we are stuck

they will never stop

why do Adults always have the final say of our lives

they don't know our pains

its like having dragons holding blades and knives

ready to slay us

exams are the real killers to our lives

they slay us with millions of questions

bombarded like a rifle gun which can't stop

when its over

parents come into the picture

they are rifle guns

bombarding us just like the exams papers

"how's the paper?" "is it hard?"

we children wished to say its really easy, don't worry

but it seems really difficult

results are here

some people can't take the pressure

hence ending their lives

many broke down, all thanks to exams

all the children wished to know

whether their parents care for their own prides

or their lives

every child would know

their parents would only care for their own pride

losing their pride would literally drive them to the wall

their parents are selfish

their parents wants their children's grades for their own glory

the children never ever did exams for themselves

they did it for their parents

We children would like to say

we wish, all parents would treat us better

not for their own pride

but for our sake

Poem Two.

Composed individually during the Poetry Slam Coaching Clinic.

Early in the morning

Woke my little girls for school

Felt a little fuzzy

Maybe i skipped my dinner again

Took my cap and slung my towel on my neck

wore my boots and swagged out of the door

tiny drops of sweat formed on my back

creating a huge transparent hole on my singlet

I got to the site

i'm already late

report to Sir "Sir, i'm here for work. "

Sir nodded his head and let me off lightly

got my drill bit and started working

The people here, are my only kins

The ones who share their bunk

The ones who share the same toilets

The ones who gets each other drunk

The ones who subbed for each other

The ones who share their workload

the ones who does everything together

Teamwork is all we have

WE cherish one another

no matter how much we have left

through thick and thin

united we stand, divided we fall

We might be invisible to your eyes

but guess what?

we are the ones giving you your comfortable homes

we have so much to bare

but with teamwork, nothing is impossible

If you haven't guess who i am,

here it is - I'm a construction worker.

Poem One.

Composed as a group during Poetry Slam Coaching Clinic.

I am a construction worker

My hands look like a crumpled piece of paper from , New Year's through December

Each brick i lay, blesses a new home.

Sometimes, the job becomes too much to bare

Who are they you may wonder,
They are the colleagues that,
Eat with me
Share the same toilet with me
Sleep in the same bunk as me
Work in the glorious sun with me
Report to the manager every morning with me
Talk about their adventurous childhood memories


Everyday getting tools to get the job done
Making sure that my drill bit is sharp
Provided with a never-ending load of wood
While assuming my efforts were understood
Then when the day has passed
Allow me to rest

With the knowledge that i have done my best

Jolin.

(: